My Life, My Hell
by WeasleyatHeart99
Summary: This is the diary of 15 year old Rose Weasley                                   Warning: Self harm, Eating disorder,Language, R/R
1. Back again

Disclaimer: HP is not mine blah blah

* * *

><p>Wednesday, September 1st 2021<p>

Dear diary,

Nana Molly gave me this. I think she knows that I can't talk to anyone at school. The reason I can't talk to anyone at school is because I am in Slytherin. I thought my family was better than that. But no I'm in slytherin so I must be evil! Albus hasn't talk to me at school since first year, we're going into fifth year now. Last year James told the great hall that I was not his cousin. Yeah he disowned me. When I'm home no one talks to me at all unless it's pass the salt, or dinners ready. Right now I'm sitting on the Hogwarts express with my fellow Slytherin fifth years. They usually just ignore me, something that is very easy to do. I doubt half of them know my name let alone anything about me. I know plenty about them. Scorpius Malfoy, loves art and is pretty good at it, doesn't care about blood status, and hates his family because of their pure blood beliefs. Vincent Goyle, rather unintelligent, enjoys beating up people, and has strong pure blood beliefs. I avoid him because my mother is muggle born. Andrew Higgs, Quiet, Shy, likes to read, is now a prefect and loves to show off. Jasper Parkinson, loves to pull pranks, has to be the center of attention, and is horrible to Gryffindors. Olivia Nott, has a eating disorder, is obsessed with being thin, is now a prefect, and cares way too much about how she looks. Rhiannon Flint, is obsessed with looks, insensitive and a slag. (she has been know to sleep around) Eva Zabini, Loud, outgoing, needs constant attention and is superficial. Ruby Bole, is plain, boring, and mean. (she picks on first years)

Any way they don't really matter not to me at least. I really don't have any friends, no one knows the real me because no one cares enough. All of this started on September 1st 2017 when I was sorted. It was scary, Al was in Gryffindor, the sorting hat barely touched his head, Alice Longbottom was with him. When Uncle Neville (Professor Longbottom I'm not allowed to call him Uncle Neville anymore) called my name I was already shaking. The hat said I would do well in every house so he let me pick. I had chosen slytherin to make a point, that just because you're in slytherin doesn't mean your evil. That was the biggest mistake in my life, because of that I am alone, friendless, and hated by my family.

I'm not very pretty. I'm kind of chubby, I have frizzy red hair, way too many freckles. I'm 5'5" with sapphire blue eyes, and pale skin. Since I don't have friends I read a lot, more than Andrew which is saying something.

I have decided that today is the worst day in my life. To start off with my parents didn't say good-bye. Lily called me a wannabe Death Eater, not to my face but to her friends. Fred and Louis both pretended not to know me after handing me a paper that said that I am no longer their cousin. And mum told me not to come home for Christmas. What a great way to start off the year.

* * *

><p><em>Later that night...<em>

* * *

><p>The sorting was boring as it has been for years, we got seven new students. I'm worried about Olivia, she looked sick and didn't touch her dinner, but she has lost weight. Maybe I'll try skipping meals. I'll start tomorrow.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN so what do you think leave a review.** **~WeasleyatHeart99**


	2. Hurt

**Disclaimer: not mine**

* * *

><p>Thursday, September 2nd 2021<p>

Dear Diary

Today we started class. In other words six long hours of hearing and doing things I already know. But better news I didn't eat lunch or dinner today and I feel fine. Maybe Olivia's right being thin is important. Today something weird happened Scorpius talked to me, he said we should study sometime. I'm meeting him tomorrow after dinner. I have a bad feeling about this but Scorpius is my weakness. I might have a crush on him, maybe. Who am I kidding I like the bloke. In other news (Bloody hell I sound like a reporter) Al called me a bitch to my face, it's official all my cousins at Hogwarts hate me. My family hates me. The people who should love me unconditionally hate me. What happened to family first. Hugo actually told me he wished I was dead, my own brother. All of this on the first day back. Maybe I should die, it would make my family happy.

* * *

><p>Friday, September 3rd 2021<p>

Dear Diary

Scorpius Malfoy is the biggest git to walk the earth the fucking arse hole. I hate him. When I met him in the library he hexed my hair blue than called me a fat ugly slag. He's right I am fat but not for long. I skipped two meals yesterday and one today. I will get skinny if it's the last thing I do. I read somewhere that muggle cigarettes can help you lose weight. I started cutting myself. I stole a kitchen knife and ran it over my wrist. Thank Merlin it's Friday. Oh we got potion partners, and I'm with the devil himself, Malfoy. I used to like that bastard. But I'll show him, I'll show them all. No one insults Rose Weasley and gets away with it. Let the games begin.

* * *

><p><strong>AN so what do you think is going to happen anyway reviews**


	3. Pain

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling **

* * *

><p>Saturday, September 4th 2021<p>

Dear diary

I had a productive day, I confronted Malfoy, talked to Olivia about losing weight and called Lily a bitch. Well confronting Malfoy went well mainly because I hexed his hair Gryffindor red. I put a charm on it so the only way it will go back to blond is if he said "I'm the world's biggest git." When I spoke to Olivia, She said the best way to lose weight is to keep track of what you eat and purge one meal a day so that's what I'm going to do. I have another use for this diary a food counter and a place to write down what I'm feeling. Now what happened with Lily is a long story. I was just walking along smiling about what I did to Malfoy, than one of her friends Amy Boot, started to call me a mini death eater, a slag and I quote "stupid fat ass" so naturally I got mad. And I might of put a silencing charm on her. So Lily who was laughing the whole time called me a bitch. Other than that I finished my potions essay, got ahead on my transfiguration homework, and read the entire course books. Right now I really am wishing I had something more to do other than homework.

* * *

><p>Sunday, September 5th 2021<p>

Dear diary

Nothing happened today, it was Al's birthday. There is a huge party but I'm not invited. I'm pretty sure than I'm the only person above third year that's not. Well whatever. I only ate a bagel at breakfast, I purged lunch and ate a chicken salad sandwich for dinner. I think Rhiannon is going to end up killing Ruby. They got into a huge fight about nothing, well not nothing, Ruby borrowed Rhiannon's mascara. How that's worth fighting over I have no idea. Never steal from a Slytherin. I think Malfoy is going to kill me he kept giving me the evil glare. I love house elves, they are amazing, they got the blood off my sheets and they don't care about it, bless them. Well I better get to bed I have class tomorrow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN please review an i have a poll on my profile relating to this story. oh and i accept anonymous reviews. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	4. Silent

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter  
>AN please check out my profile for a poll relating to this story**

* * *

><p>Wednesday, September 8th 2021<p>

Dear diary

I've been back a week and I already want to go home. Not a single person has spoken to me since Saturday. I think my vocal cords may stop working if I don't speak soon. I would be worried that I went mute if it wasn't for the crying. I cry myself to sleep every night, thank Merlin for silencing charms. The worlds biggest git's hair is still red. But the worst thing imaginable is happening I'm still gaining weight. I eat three meals a day purge one, and I'm not even eating that much but I'm still putting on weight it's not fair. I run around the black lake everyday, and I started smoking the cigarettes a nicked from Jasper, he has so many he didn't even notice, only one a day. But nothing is working. I'll have to check my potions book for a weight loss potion.

* * *

><p><strong>AN oh now rose is starting to care too much... love it hate it let me know. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	5. Hate

**Disclaimer: not mine *sigh*  
>AN Check out the poll**

* * *

><p><em>Thursday, September 9<em>_th__ 2021_

_Dear diary_

_I hate it. I hate that I hurt myself. I hate that people tease me, I hate that my family doesn't talk to me. I hate it. I hate that the only relief I get is to repeatedly press a blade to my wrist. I hate that I have to bleed to feel anything. I hate that I'm fat. I hate that I have red hair and freckles. I hate that I have to starve to be thin. I hate that no one talks to me. I hate that I'm alone. But most importantly, I hate myself, and that's what I hate most. I hate, hating myself._

_Today I was a fiery ball of hate. I snapped at a first year for breathing. I'm a fucking mess. I can't breath. I can't pay attention in class I feel, like I'm drowning . What is happening to me._

* * *

><p>Rose snapped her diary shut, put in on her nightstand, and snatched up her wand. She quickly swung her green hangings around her bed. Rose flicked her wand and placed a silencing charm around her. She then grabbed the knife from under her bed. She took a deep breath and pressed it to her pale, freckled skin. She then, put the knife back and fell asleep with tears in her eyes. She didn't know that another Slytherin had done the exact same thing.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN sorry abbout the real life action but it's nessacary for the plot what did you think let me know ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	6. Progress

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE :(**

* * *

><p>Saturday, October 9th 2021<p>

Dear Diary

Life has been horrid I still feel like I'm drowning. My marks are slipping in the last month I have gotten three Ts. It's just I've been having trouble concentrating. But that's not all Me and Scorpius are ok. Well it's a long story. I saw him in the library and I was tired with my blue hair so I asked him how to change it back. Of course he ignored me. But I saw something on his wrist, scars exactly like mine. Well he caught me staring and turned red. He was embarrassed, and said change your shampoo there's dye in it. So I told him how to get rid of the red hair. Anyway we both ended up talking about nothing. It was the strangest thing he's still ignoring me but yesterday he told me that he stopped cutting. At least I did some good. The best part is all I told him is "your better than you think." Also I lost this for a month I just found it. I've been sticking to my diet and it's working I've lost a little weight. But I'm still fat. Last week I passed out in Herbology, Professor Longbottom blamed fainting fancies, but I didn't have any. Andrew probably put some in my water. Fred and James look like they're planing something I better watch out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Reveiw and check out the poll ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	7. Plan

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

><p>Sunday, October 10th 2021<p>

Dear Diary

My cousins are assholes all the Slytherin's hair is now neon green, to "show house spirit." What is with people and jinxing my hair unnatural colors it is so stupid. I swear I will murder Fred and James even if it's the last thing I do. Maybe they'll kill me and save me the trouble. Yes I Rose Nymphadora Weasley have decided that I am going to kill myself. When I still don't know, but I hope I can do this soon. I don't want to put up with my own family's constant teasing. So I'm going to start my plan. Well I want minimal pain. So a sleeping drought, or poison are my best options. Ok anyway I better go to bed before I finalize my plan.

* * *

><p><strong>AN sorry i know my chapters are short but most girls don't have long diary's so anyway review and check out the poll ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	8. Action

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP**

* * *

><p><em>Saturday, October 16th 2021<em>

_Dear diary_

_This is it. I guess this is my suicide note. A note no one will read._

* * *

><p>Rose Weasley laid her diary on her pillow and uncorked the small vail of poison. She took a deep breath and swallowed the amber liquid. She closed her eyes than everything went black.<p>

* * *

><p>Albus POV<p>

I don't believe I'm going to lose my virginity to Eva. But she is hot. Who knew that guys could get into the Slytherin girls dorms.

"Rose get out." Oh shit Rose is here. "Rose unless you want to hear me shag your cousin get out." OK she's not moving that's creepy. Eva goes and opens her curtains thinking she's asleep.

"FUCK!" Eva screams

"What?" God why is she screaming and how is Rose sleeping through this?

"Shit Al she's not breathing."

"WHAT?" I yell "Move!" She's not breathing shit hospital wing now. "Eva find out what's wrong while I take her to the hospital wing." Eva nods and I run. Merlin why is she so light. Fuck Rose I'm sorry. Please be ok, please be ok.

"Al she took poison" Eva yells from behind me. Poison? Why would she do that? Did she do this to herself? Please be alive Rose, please. I finally make it to the hospital wing. I yell,

"Rose, took poison , not breathing, help her." wow I'm out of breath. Even if she is light, that was a long run. Madam Pomfery comes and shoves a bezoar down her throat and she breaths again thank Merlin.

"Mr. Potter do you know what happened to her?" Madam Pomfery asks.

"Not a clue, I was hanging out with Eva and we told her to leave but she didn't move so we checked to see if she was ok and she wasn't breathing." I tell her honestly. Will she be ok. I want to tell her I'm sorry.

"Alright please go get Miss Zabini and the headmistress." She asks me. I think I'm on autopilot.

I bring Eva and McGonagall to the hospital wing. She has to give Eva a calming drought after she hand her a book. Madam Pomfery and McGonagall are discussing in whispers but I can hear them.

"She did this to herself you're saying?"

"Yes it's all in here, Miss Weasley is very lucky Mr. Potter got her here when he did.

"Why is she so thin?"

"It appears she's been starving herself and cutting herself."

"Alright I'll go contact her parents."

She did do this to herself but why. Is it my fault? Why did I abandon her. She was always there for me. She didn't change. She's still Rose. Why didn't I see she was depressed? _Because you ignored her, everyone did. _I'm the worst person ever. After my insecurities of being in Slytherin I abandon Rose, for being one.

Aunt Hermione, and Uncle Ron come in they look scared. I don't think they know what's wrong.

"What happened?' Aunt Hermione asks, "What's wrong?" Yep they don't know.

"Mr, and Mrs. Weasley, your Daughter," McGonagall started.

"Rosie, where's my Rosie?" Uncle Ron blurts out.

"Mr. Weasley if you'll let me finish, Rose tried to kill herself." Aunt Hermione sobs at this. "Luckily your nephew managed to get her here fast enough to save her. She's still unconscious, but she should be ok."

* * *

><p><strong>AN So what do you think lots of real life action. thank you to all of those that have reviewed ~WeasleyatHeart99  
><strong>


	9. Reaction

**Disclaimer: Still not mine**

* * *

><p>Ron POV<p>

My baby girl tried to kill herself why? Wasn't she happy? Minerva fills us in. Rose was starving herself, she was cutting herself, why did she do this to herself. She was always by herself, why didn't anyone see this coming? She should have talked to me, she's my princess, I would do anything for her. Hermione won't stop crying, me I'm beyond tears. Is this my fault. She kept I diary but I don't want to read it. I need my baby. I wonder what my wife is thinking but I don't want to ask, will she blame me?

* * *

><p>Hermione POV<p>

Rosie why did you do this. I thought you were happy. Honey you could tell me anything, I would be there for you. Was this because I told you not to come home for Christmas? Your dad and I were going to go away, Hugo wasn't coming home either. Baby I love you. I should have seen this coming, you would isolate yourself. Your cousins would tease you about being in Slytherin and I didn't see that it really hurt you. They love you Rose. We all do.

* * *

><p>McGonagall POV<p>

I have never seen them this broken. Ron and Hermione look dead, they seem to be in a living hell. I can tell they are blaming themselves. It's what people do. Rose is lucky to be alive. But she wanted to die. That is not an easy thing to tell anyone. Well I better go find Hugo, he has to know.

* * *

><p>Hugo POV<p>

James and Fred are the heroes of Gryffindor, the prank they pulled on the Slytherins was gold. Yes it was over a week ago but, all of their hair is still green so as long as it stays that way, they will stay heroes. The portrait hole opens, and McGonagall came in. I have never seen her here before. This won't be good.

"Hugo Weasley, please come with me." she sounds strained. Well I best go with her. Everyone is looking at me in awe. Lily rises to come with me , but I signal for her to sit back down. What is going on, we're not going to her office.

"Professor what's going on?" I ask her. She doesn't answer she just leads me to the hospital wing. My parents are there. Mum looks tearful. What did I do, or was it Rose. Where is Rose is she alright. The last time I saw her I told her I wished she was dead. _What if she's hurt? What if those are the last words I'd ever say to my sister. _Dad looks pained, I haven't seen him like that, ever, he's scaring me.

"Hugo, Hun, we have something to tell you." Mum starts "Rose….." Than mum broke down. What did Rose do? Will she be ok. _I'm sorry Rosie, please be ok._ AL speaks up, I didn't even see him.

"Rose tried to kill herself Hugo." Al's voice shook and broke.

Oh lord was this my fault, did I do this to my sister? I ask myself if she will be ok. I can't find my voice. What's going to happen, did she have a note? Endless questions are going through my mind. I love you Rose, please be ok.

"Rosie I'm Sorry." We all seem to find our voice at the same time. that's the only thing on all of our minds it seems.

* * *

><p>Rose POV<p>

Why is death so painful. It was suppose to be bliss the poison should have made it painless, slow but painless. I am dead right, I mean, I don't want to live, not anymore.

"Rosie, I'm sorry." I hear from far off. Mum is that you, I'm coming Mum.

* * *

><p>3rd person<p>

Rose Weasley's eyes slowly fluttered open. By this time, her mother, father, brother, and cousin were all around her bed. When she came around to reality.

"I'm alive aren't I?" was all she said before promptly, passing back out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN so what do you think? lots of different POVs in this chapter mainly because i wanted you to see that Rose is loved but she doesn't know that yet... Review please ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	10. Watched

**Disclaimer: everything you recognize is property of J.K Rowling **

* * *

><p>Tuesday October 19th 2021<p>

Dear Diary

Obviously I'm alive. But not at my own will. I am now on 24/7 watch it is very irritating. Why did Albus have to save me, now where is he no where to be seen. The asshole, he saved me so he should have to be in my presence. Why couldn't he let me die? I wanted to so bad. I don't want to live, not anymore. They gave this back to me saying that only Madam Pomfery had read it. I am now being forced to eat three meals a day and all things sharp are locked away, they also took my wand. I hate this so fucking much.

* * *

><p>Saturday, October 23rd 2021<p>

Dear Diary

I am still being watched, I want to go back to class but alas no I can not. There is no one to talk to. I have to see a therapist. Today is Scorpius' birthday. Yes I got him something. Ok maybe I still like him. Anyway I got him a journal. Apparently he is to manly for a diary. Anyway I hope he likes it.

* * *

><p>Saturday, October 23rd 2021<p>

I do not believe that Rose Weasley got me something, something I like too. Has the world stopped spinning? Where has she been anyway? I haven't seen her in a week. I beginning to worry about her. I haven't seen her eat much all year. Maybe I should look for her I mean she did stop me from hating myself right. It was because of her that I stopped cutting. I will look for her, any way I need to thank her for this amazing journal.

Well I found her, she was in the hospital wing. Why? Because she tried to kill herself. Now I'm really worried. I may have the smallest crush on her, may. Who am I fucking kidding I like her a lot, always have. But she is Rose Weasley, daughter of two third the golden trio, she is untouchable. I have to be there for her she was there for me. I will make her see how perfect she is, even if it's the last thing I do.

* * *

><p><strong>AN sorry it took me so long to update, thank you to all those who have reviewed the make me smile. yes Scorpius is a Scorpio anyway please review. ~WeasleyatHeart99  
><strong>


	11. Planing

**Disclamer: Not mine**

* * *

><p>Sunday October 24th 2021<p>

I visited rose again today, she was actually awake, I really hope I can help her. She told me what happened, I really don't believe she couldn't see a point in life. But I will change that. Well anyways I'm good I really hope Rose gets better. She is my rock right now. She makes me see that life is worth it. Maybe she'll love me like I love her. I really wish Goyle hadn't talked me into that prank, her hair being blue sucks, I prefer it red. Now I need a plan to make Rose see the good in life. To start off I need her to know that people care. For that I need her family, maybe I can get them all in the room of requirements. And throw her a huge birthday party. That might work. Step two, make sure she eats. Step three make her see how beautiful she is. Step four, get her to love me. Ok that's not really going to happen but I can hope. Ok now time to put this plan into action.

* * *

><p>Saturday October 24th 2021<p>

Dear Diary

Scorpius visited me today it really made the day better. I hate this, I really wished Al didn't save me. My parents have come to see me but we didn't talk at all we just sat there awkwardly. It was very uncomfortable. I really want to go back to my dorm, I hate being watched twenty-four seven, it sucks. If I'm still here on my birthday I'm going to scream. I would say jump off a cliff but Madam Pomfrey would freak if she read this. I miss my privacy, I have to get out of here.

* * *

><p><strong>AN sorry for the long update i'll try to get it up more often. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	12. More Planing

**A/N: Don'y kill me for not updating please well here you go.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine never is never will be. **

* * *

><p>Thursday October 28th 2021<p>

Dear Diary

I'm allowed to go back to class today. I'm glad I would die if I had to spend another day in the hospital wing. I swear that that place is making me worse not better. But now I have people following me everywhere I go. Al wont leave me alone. It is the most irksome thing ever. I swear he is like a dog. Hugo is even worse. He follows me everywhere. He got the password to the common room. How I don't know but he did. So there he was after dinner. He is going to drive me up a wall I swear. They cleaned out my room to. I swear at this rate I'll just jump off the tower to make it easier. I hate them all, they only care when I do something.

* * *

><p>Thursday October 28th 2021<p>

Rose was let out today. She went to class and everything. Al and Hugo are following her around like dogs. It makes it harder to spend time with her. I hate it. I hate that she did this. I don't know why they let her out, she's not better. She is still planning something. She doesn't want to live. If she dies I'm going with her. I'm never leaving her alone again. She is too great for that.

* * *

><p>Scorpius closed his journal and walked up to Gryffindor tower. He was taking a risk. He wanted Rose to be safe. He didn't give a damn about what people thought. Hell everyone else could go to hell for all he cared. Rose was the only one that mattered. He reached the portrait and as stupid as it seemed knocked. He waited there then the person he wanted came out. Albus Potter.<p>

"Hey, Honestly I don't really care about you but I care about Rose so, I need your help." He said before he could open his mouth to speak. He nodded to say he was listening. "Ok so she is still planning something, I can see it in her eyes. I need your help to make sure she doesn't do something like this again." He told him.

"Ok, but not now. I have to talk to the rest of my family. We need as many people to help s possible." Al said looking over his shoulder.

It was Scorpius's turn to nod s he walked away, planning what he was going to do to help rose. She needed this even if she hated him for it he had to help her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So please review. Lots of love ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	13. Meetings

**Disclaimer****:**  
><strong>Roses are Red<strong>  
><strong>Violets are Blue<strong>  
><strong>I don' own <strong>  
><strong>So Don't you su<strong>**e**

* * *

><p>Al walked back into his common room after talking with Scorpius. He sighed, knowing that they had to do something about Rose. Maybe a letter of apology from them all. That would be good considering how bad they all fucked up. He walked over to James and tapped him on the shoulder. "family meeting ten minutes in the ROR." He tells him wishing he had an actual plan. He was such an arse. How could he be like that to Rose. She had always been nice. Did we do this to her?<p>

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile in the slytherin girls dorms<em>

"Rose, why did you do that?" Eva asked the red haired slytherin. "It's stupid." She stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Rose sighed, "It's none of your business." She glared at her with anger in her eyes. Eva had messed it up, by bringing her cousin up here. She hated the girl with all her being. She wanted nothing more than to die and Eva and her slaggish ways had to fuck it all up. They even took away her curtains. She pulled out her journal though she had already written in it today.

_I give up on dating this thing_

_Dear Diary_

_Eva is such a bitch she fucked up all of my plans. Now I need to start over. Everyone is all overprotective and caring now that I really did something. If I hadn't they would all still be a bunch of fucktards. It drives me up a wall. Why do they have to care. It makes it harder now that they do. I really with all my heart wish they didn't. They won't though not after a while. Will they? No they wont. _

* * *

><p><em>Back in The room of requirements. <em>

Assembled in the Come and Go room were several Gryffindors. Lily Luna Potter, Hugo Neville Weasley, Albus Severus Potter, James Sirius Potter, Louis Cedric Weasley, and Fred Collin Weasley. Al Steps forward and looks at them awkwardly. He clears his throat having never called a meeting before. As everyone turns to him he tries to figure out how to phrase this. He looks at Hugo who honestly looks like he would rather be tailing Rose. He gives his cousin a hurry up look. "Look everyone." He started, looking around nervously. Rose's life depended on this. He couldn't screw up. "We need to talk about Rose." He started

"Ok so everyone knows that… what she did." He changed direction mid sentence, he couldn't say that she tried to kill herself. Maybe if he didn't say it, that it would have never happened. As he saw the group nod, he cleared his throat as he found it hard to speak.

"I think in all honesty that it's our fault." That brought a upraise. Fred looked offended, James looked angry, Louis looked outraged, Lily shook her head and looked at Al like he was crazy. While Hugo sadly nodded his agreement. "Deny it all you want, but you know that we abandoned her." he said glaring at them all as if daring them to object. Not a single objection was raised, instead they all almost as a uniform motion, bowed their heads in shame.

"Now, I know that Roe is still planning something." he said and heads snapped up at that. Hugo looked like he was going to faint. "How do you know?" James asked in a soft and scared voice. "From someone who knows her better than we do." Was his younger brother's reply. "But right now We need to figure out what to do."

* * *

><p>Thursday October 28th 2021<p>

I know writing twice in one day is almost as bad as a girl but still I have to write something. Anyway. Talked to Al, seems like Rosie is in for s surprise.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Cliffhanger I know don't kill me. I haven't updated in forever. But I try and get back into the swing of things. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	14. Stalking

**Disclaimer: All the characters you recognize are property of JK Rowling. I only own the plot and the** OCs

* * *

><p>Saturday October 30th 2021<p>

Dear diary

What is it stalk Rose day? Eva started following me to make sure I eat. Albus won't leave me alone. Lily came up to me and gave me a hug. Hugo's still like my own personal dog. I mean what the fuck. I mean I know Al and Hugo were following me but Lily and Eva too. Then I see James watching me on my walk from the beach tree. Really people at this rate I'm just going to pull a Moaning Myrtle and off myself in the bathroom. I hate my whole fucking family for not leaving me alone. Maybe I'll talk to Scorpius he seemed to drop his following Rose thing. Too bad my plans aren't done yet. I could have just stay behind at the feast, but no. They had to take all my freaking belts and all my wand. I have to be supervised doing my homework. I mean really what is this shit.

* * *

><p>Saturday October 30th 2021<p>

The fuck they are stalking her. That's going to work. I don't know I hope they have a plan, if not, I'm on my own. Anyway I'm going to do my thing now. I've warned them now It's my turn to go. I mean she just looks pissed. They do not give her enough credit. Idiots.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Short Chapter I know but... It's all I could do... the next one will be longer. Anyway Review? ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	15. Kiss

Dear Diary.

Note to self Kill Albus Potter. I mean come on he just wont fuck off. Ok sure he was an ass, but now he decides to be all nice. No it's not ok. I mean yeah now they care. Too fucking late buddy. You want to grow up, fuck you. No I wont forgive you. That's what he did. He asked me to forgive him after everything he did. No I give up I just fucking give up.

* * *

><p>Rose Weasley was angry. She was sitting in a bathroom with Lily Potter standing guard. Yes standing guard. She just wanted to die that's all. She was tired and she wanted out. She didn't want to be picked on, or be left alone, because she knew how this would work. As soon as she got better. They would forget all about her. She would just be that cousin in slytherin. So as she scribbled furiously and cussed to her hearts content she cried. She properly cried. She felt alone and scared, and hurt, and she just wanted a friend. An actual friend. Not family, a friend.<p>

Wiping her eyes she started to write again.

* * *

><p>I'm fifteen and my life has gone to hell. I just hate it all. Scorpius is being nice, but I have a feeling he has a reason behind it. After all for years he was rude, and the prank. Can I trust anyone? I just don't know. Fuck hormones and fuck life. But fucking Malfoy sounds nice. What is wrong with me. Ah well it's just a fantasy right? That kiss wasn't suppose to happen was it? He wouldn't be so rude to be if he liked me. So I'm just being crazy. Malfoy didn't kiss me because he likes me, it's because he feels sorry for me, just like everyone else.<p>

* * *

><p>November 29th 2021<p>

No. No way in hell did that happen. I did not kiss Rose. Nope that was not part of the plan. I wasn't going to kiss her till she was better, no I wasn't suppose to kiss her at all!? No this is not happening. Christmas is on the way and I'm not to think about kissing Weasley, not around my Grandfather. Ah Fuck what's the point. I kissed Rose Weasley and it was great.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Look guys an update. I love you all so very much. I mean your still here and people like this story I don't know why. But hey You're awesome. Thanks for subscribing, reviewing all of that. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	16. Cut

**A/N Here's another update for you lovely people. **

* * *

><p>Dear Diary<p>

Today was just draining. We had this big practice exam and I think I failed. My marks are awful and people expect better of me,, because of my mum. I just hate it all. On top of that I can't seem to get that damn kiss out of my mind. I mean I've kissed boys before, if only once or twice, but still. This was not the same. I didn't obsess over any of those other boys, so why him. Is it because he is being kind? Or because I've always fancied him. I just don't know. It's all so hard right now. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore. On the brighter side people say I look better. I mean I don't think so, but maybe I do. I don't feel better, I mean I still think about suicide a lot actually, how could I be better.

I ended up back in the hospital wing again yesterday. It was horrid. I'd cut a bit too deep and needed healing. Surprisingly I'm not mad at Eva for taking me. I mean I should be, shouldn't I, I had to suffer a huge lecture because of her, but maybe just maybe she was trying to help. I just don't know anymore.

Mum wrote. She says she's really sorry for not taking me to a healer sooner. She blames herself, just because she didn't have a normal Hogwarts experience. The healer says I'm sick with some mental thing. That's what he told me last time anything. I think it's just a nice way to say I'm crazy. That's what they all think anyway. I mean what other type of freak can't stop cutting themselves.

* * *

><p>December 12th 2021.<p>

Rose is better. Not that she can tell. Their's a Hogsmead visit coming up soon. I might ask her. I know I'm just suppose to be helping her out with her depression and everything, but I fancy the girl. Always have, even if I am an idiot about it sometimes. So anyway. enough about her. I'm going to talk about me for once. I've honestly never told a soul this and I suppose I never will as I'm only writing it down.

There's a reason I'm so bloody terrified of my Grandfather. Ever since I've been a little kid he's been trying to teach me dark magic. See before I was born my grandfather became obsessed with the dark arts. I still don't know why. My father doesn't know, no one does, but almost every time I see him he tried and teaches me. I hate the dark arts. I've heard stories about what happened, and how it almost killed my father. So I refuse. I always refuse. So when I do,

* * *

><p>Scorpius stopped writing here. He was crying. He didn't want to think off it. He didn't want to think of what he went though. He didn't know why he lied to Rose. Maybe because she was in pain too. He had never stopped cutting, just stopped cutting his wrists. He knew she still did as well. Maybe he would tell her that he lied, it might help her. She must feel alone. He knew he did. Was this what she felt like? He thought as a sadness overcame him. Albus had explained to him once that Rose suffered from Depression.<p>

Shaking and still crying with memories and sadness he charmed his journal and put it away. He walked towards the boys showers knowing he had an appointment with a hot shower and a slicing charm.

* * *

><p><strong>The next chapter is going to be another point of view. There's a poll on my profile concerning this story so please check that out as I can't start writing till you do. ~WeasleyatHeart99<strong>


	17. Date

**I only got one answer on my poll, but here it is. a bit of an explanation of Rose. Don't worry lovely people all will be explained in time. OH and should I change it up a bit. Make it more Harry Potter, and less Teenage Drama. Let me know. **

* * *

><p>December 16th 2021<p>

I talked to Al today. When did he become Al? Oh god, I'm befriending Weasleys and Potters, I'm dead, but anyway. Rose, sweet, sad, lonely Rose. That's all he talks about. He cares about her. They all do. Now why didn't they show it you may ask, or whatever. Turns out Rose is sick. Not like dying sick, just sick.

Al says she has depression. and over the last four days I've been reading up on that. Depression is rare in wizards simply because we have a slight difference in brain waves than muggles, it makes us happier. The closest wizards feel to depression is dementors, that's part of the reason Azkaban was so horrible. However there are exceptions to all rules, and Rose seems to be one of them.

When she was younger she was always a bit more sad than others, but it got worse as she got older. According to Al, and the rest of the Potter/Weasley clan, Rose has withdrawn herself from everyone, and because they don't know how to deal with it, they in turn pick on her. Now I personally think that it's stupid. She's ill so fuck with her, brilliant. So Rose's mum and dad, don't speak to her because they don't want to set her off, whatever that means. So Rose is stuck alone in pain because her family are idiots that don't know how to deal with her sickness. And I thought my family was dysfunctional. Anyway best be off, I have a date with a recovering depressed person. We're going skating, well, we're going to try and skate.

Note to self do not skate. It's embarrassing, and painful. At least Rose had fun. Maybe she is getting better. My turn next.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

I had a pretty good day. More energy, less suicidal thoughts. Uncle Harry wrote, he said that his cousin knows a therapist in the muggle world. They deal with my 'illness' He said it might help. I don't know, maybe I'll ask gran.

But more important things. My date. It was wonderful. Scorpius landed on his arse a lot, and god I thought I would die from laughing. I don't think I laughed so hard since I was a kid. It felt nice. Afterwards he kissed me too. Maybe he is a good guy after all. Even if he did make my hair blue. Anyway he was worth the chance I gave him. I just hope I can be worth the chance he gave me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN All done, nice and short. Next chapter will be called relapse so beware. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	18. Relapse

**Last I checked I was broke so nope I don't won Harry Potter.**

**Dear that guest who keeps saying make Rose thin, and anyone else who thinks I should have (The rest of you may ignore this):**

** It's my story I can make her how I like. I chose to make her chubby, and yes she could very well be. Though Ron was tall and stingy the twins were short and stocky, Molly Weasley was said to be on the chubby side, and Hermione's wight nor stature was never given. So she could have easily have been chubby, because her eating disorder is new and before she ate a lot (think of Ron's appetite, but on a girl without his ****metabolism). However thank you for your support and for reading my story. **

* * *

><p>Dear Diary<p>

I'm drowning I'm fucking drowning. I can't breath. How do I do this? How does anyone. Everyone just says suck it up. Well, I'm trying. I'm trying so fucking hard. But I can't it's just so much. I just want it to be easy, because guess what? I'm not brave, I'm not smart, I'm not hard working. I'm a worthless, fat, pathetic, loser, and I deserve it. I deserve this pain. Why else would I have it. My mum, never had friends as a child now she has the best friends ever. She got what she deserved, so I must deserve this. Why else would I have this awful "Illness" That's what they call it to make me feel better. But I'm not sick, I'm just crazy. I just want to die, I just want to die.

* * *

><p>Rose finished writing and curled up in the bathroom. She needed space and they had yet to give her curtains back, so here she was unable to breath from the painful sobs that had ripped through her. She hated this feeling with every part of her. She had no reason to feel like this. She had no reason to want to die, yet she wanted nothing more. She just wanted it to end. She wanted the pain of sadness to go disappear and never see it again. What was the point anyway. If all she would ever feel is the empty pain that filled her, she didn't want to live another moment. It wasn't worth it.<p>

As more tears raced down her cheeks she pulled her knees to her chest and picked up her wand. Lifting up her skirt to see her pale scar covered thighs, she muttered a spell and made quick movements over her skin slicing it and seeing blood bead and drip slowly. She still had tears in her eyes but for a moment a small perfect moment she felt ok. Every reason she had ever cut came back to her. It was worth the slight pain to have the ever so slight feeling of joy. Anyway she deserved these cuts, these scars didn't she? Yes she did.

Her tears stopping rose moved her wand from her thighs to her wrist. She had already taken off the bracelets and bandages that normally remained there. Instead she looked at her arms and wondered if she could end it. No one had the right to take her wand unless she was expelled. She could end it easily all she needed was one charm. Muttering the charm that could both end it all or just release some pain she thought about how deep she would cut. As she slowly cut deeper her world went blank.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Oh a cliffhanger. Aren't I mean? Anyway here's another chapter. And I'll make you a deal. If I get lets say three reviews I'll start working on another chapter. If I don't i'll work on it when I feel like (maybe three days, maybe a week, maybe a month who knows) Thank you to everyone who is following this story and to everyone who has stuck with me. I love you all. Review and I'll love you more. Anyway thanks ~WeasleyatHeart99**


	19. Black

**A/N Okay. I left you all hanging. How mean but I had to make up my mind of how this was going to work so don't kill me. I know a few would like too, but bear with me. **

* * *

><p>Black her world had turned into darkness there was no dreams no flashes of her life, no bright light, just darkness. Was this what death felt like she wondered, as she lay there in the bathroom, her eyes closed oblivious, to the knocking on the door and the worried voice.<p>

This wouldn't be so bad, just blank, no pain, no pressure, just black. Would people miss her. The thoughts of the unconscious girl plagued her. Would she be missed. Would anyone even mourn. Would people look at her grave and cry, or would she be one of the forgotten. Never mentioned or thought of. Would her grave turn old, no visitors to place flowers, no one to touch the top and say that they miss her. The idea was sad, but Rose wouldn't mind. She wouldn't care if no one called on her once she was dead, she would prefer it to the other option.

Rose could easily see how it could break her family. She thought of the uncle she had never met, the look in Nana Molly's eyes when he was mentioned, the pain, but the memories too. She would never forget her son and it hurt her. She could imagine her mother forever hunted, forever missing her. She would rather be forgotten.

A part of her knew that she wasn't dead, and she didn't know how to feel about that. She also knew that she could still die. She could almost hear it, the slow drip of blood onto the floor. The locked door providing somewhat of a problem for whoever went looking for her. She could imagine Eva's panicked look when she tried to check on her as she always did after finding her the first time. She would go fetch Slughorn who would take forever, so she'd go find someone else.

She hoped Scorpius wouldn't find her. She would hate that. He was so sad, like her, but she didn't dare ask why, but he liked him she really did. He made her smile, and laugh, and he was kind. He was everything she needed. But even he couldn't save her. Not that he wouldn't try of course. She knew that he wanted to, and for that she didn't trust him.

It hurt, thinking about Scorpius, maybe because she was starting to love the blond boy with his warm heart and cool exterior, or maybe because she knew that he couldn't love her, that he didn't, that he shouldn't.

Even unconscious she heard the bang of the door exploding. Of course she wondered if it as death. As the darkness settled back, she wondered if she was finally fading. She didn't hear Eva scream or Scorpius curse, blackness had surrounded her and not even thought could get through now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Yeah I know another one. I promise I've already started on the next one. It will be up before I go away this weekend. Anyway revviews are loved (even if they are threats to publish.) Anyway love you all for reading. **

**~WeasleyatHeart99**


	20. Panic

**A/N New point of views, just to switch it up. Still don't own any characters you recognize.**

* * *

><p>Olivia Nott was impatiently knocking on the bathroom door. She had no idea who was in there, but was fed up with being kept waiting. Looking as good as she did took effort, and someone was taking up some of her much needed time. She wanted to have a shower before she went to bed, and if the bitch in the bathroom didn't hurry up her shower was going to cut into her beauty sleep. Turning to Eva who had been sitting on her bed for most of the night studying (She had changed since Rose had tried to off herself.).<p>

"Who's in the baths?" She snapped at her ex-friend. Eva ignored her. Huffing she left, she might as well use the prefect baths, it was better than dealing with these crazy bitches.

* * *

><p>After Olivia left Eva looked up from her books. She knew who was in the Lou and was starting to worry about Rose. She usually responds, though she wouldn't blame the girl for ignoring Olivia, she had turned into a horrid bitch after she became a prefect. She walked up to the door and knocked hard. No answer.<p>

"Rose?" She called knocking again. "Are you okay?"

-No answer.

"Rose, it's Eva. I just need to pop in to use the lou." She lied knowing she was suicidal not cruel. She would let her in surely.

-No answer.

"Rose really open the door." She said getting worried.

-No answer.

"Look I'm coming in if you like it or not, so open the god damn door."

-No answer.

"Fuck." Eva muttered after trying spell after spell. She then kicked the door, though she didn't think it would help. Shaking the handle in vain hope that it would open, she cursed again and went to find Malfoy.

* * *

><p>Scorpius was sitting in the common room his feet up, thinking of anyway to keep away from his home. He knew both his mother and father wanted him home, but he would do anything to stay at Hogwarts. He didn't have any actual issues here. Sure trying to help Rose was hard, but it was going better.<p>

He hoped shamefully that something would happen to incapacitate his grandfather for the holidays. Nothing bad, he just didn't want to deal with his tort- umm lessons. Veering his mind from dangerous grounds he turned instead to the cussing slightly limping teenage diva that was comming in his direction.

"Are you ok?" He asked Eva Zabini.

"I'm fine, your girlfriend, not so much," She said in a urgent whisper. "locked herself in the bathroom, not answering. and I don't hear the shower." She added on the end seeing him open his mouth.

Scorpius nodded and went toward the stair case, quickly tapping the brick that could be used so boys can get up the stairs. (No Slytherin didn't design it, it's a safety feature used because he head of house is male and if there's an emergency such as this.) He went up the stairs two at a time and reached the Fifth year girls dormitory. crossing the room through the open door and reaching the bathroom his heart started to race. he was worried, he knew that she was having a hard day (They were sorta kind-of dating.) and this locked door and the silence on the other end scared him, more than his grandfather ever could.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he knocked three times, waited briefly and repeated the gesture.

-No answer.

Trying a chain of spells, and calling through the door yielded poor results. Scorpius gave up on getting her to open the door or just unlocking the lock. He took a step back, looked around to make sure it was clear. (Eva had run to get the matron.) he muttered a spell, and the door crumbled to dust. Walking through not caring that there was now dust in his hair, he saw Rose, then he saw her blood.

Jumping into action, for the first (and last) time in his life he was glad he self harmed. He knew what to do. Grabbing clean towels, he straddled her waist and quickly applied pressure to both bleeding wrists. He could see the weak rise and fall of her chest, and knew she was still alive, for now.

Luckily Eva bust back in, or Albus Potter would kill me for not being able to save Rose. Before she could get a word out, no doubt Madam Pomfrey's on her way, he was snapping at her.

"Find two belts or ties, something I can tie to stop the bleeding." She gulped stared at the blood and ran off coming back fast with her own ties.

"What now?" She asked terrified, but determined, through her tears.

"Tie them as tight as you can just above the elbow." He said back his voice shacking but fierce. She did as she was told, keeping her hands from shacking, until she was done. She stepped back and started to panic.

* * *

><p>Eva had always been a diva, she always got what she wanted, she always, had her way, and she never cared about anyone than herself.<p>

Then she watched Rose Weasley almost die.

All of a sudden, other people mattered. They had feelings, and they didn't trust her to help, or trust her at all. She had to change, because one of her dorm mates, who she slept in the same room with for five years, wanted out because she felt alone. That was the saddest thing she had ever heard, and had it been a book she would have cried, but this was real. It happened here, in a school of magic, and it was far more scary than anything we learned about in Care of Magical Creatures. Eva was never alone and that's what she feared above anything else, was being alone. So she tried to be a friend. She tried to help Rose Weasley, because she wouldn't wish her fear upon anyone, much less her dorm mate.

Standing here for the second time, with blood on her hands, when she thought of the girl on the floor as a friend. She had never been more scared, or more helpless in her life. As the white towels slowly turned red, she could almost feel her life leave. She couldn't control the shaking or the tears, as she started to mutter.

"God Rose, Please. Please just be okay, just don't die. Please." It was barely above a whisper just a chain of pleas, and prayers. No one could hear her, but she wanted her friend to live and fall in love with Scorpius as she was starting too, she wanted her to see that people cared, and that they needed her. She could even hear Scorpius talking, and with his words she felt her heart break, as they got louder. Where was the Matron.

* * *

><p>Scorpius kept his hand steady, his heard racing, blinking tears out of his eyes. He started talking not even censoring his thoughts as the poured out.<p>

"You gotta stay with me Rosie." He said seeing her chest falling slower.

"Please, we haven't even started. I was gonna fall in love with you. two broken kids, me and you. You can't." He said not even knowing what he was saying.

"Wake up. common Rose. You can do this." He tried words getting caught in his throat.

"What about you teaching me to skate? You promised. I fell on my ass and you promised you'd teach me." He said recalling more of her laugh.

"I wanna hear you laugh again." He said not knowing what else to say. He was just saying everything and nothing, he just wanted a response. Where the hell was the Matron.

"Your not allowed to die, not when you've barely started, we've barely started." He thought of his journal and of her, matching sets, before they were even friends. Before he really got to know her, before he started to fall in love, when the crush became something that he would endure the tortures of anyone. He was fifteen, and he couldn't let the first girl he would love die in his arms. He couldn't stand it.

Turning his head he saw the saving glory, Madam Pomfrey, old with a bad hip, but the best nurse there was. She noted what his hands were doing and got him out of the way. He walked over to Eva who was still crying her bloody hands at her sides. He stood next to her as spells were muttered and a potion was delivered. Blood replenishing? Something else? Scorpius didn't know and as long as she didn't die, he didn't care.

Two nerve racking, tear filled, minutes later Madam Pomfrey looked up.

"She'll be all right." She said cleaning the pool of blood. "You two better come with me as well." She said lifting the still unconscious Rose on a stretcher.

Scorpius didn't question her. Eva was clearly in shock and he was likely not far behind. Looking at the time as they walked out he noted that at least no one would see them. The common room would be empty, tomorrow was the last day of classes, and was also the day of tests. No one would be awake to see their bloody hands, and scared faces.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Done. I think that may be my longest chapter yet. And it's the 20th. I never imagened m story would make it this far, so thank you for everything, my loyal readers and reviewers. Reviews are loved. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


End file.
